self preservation

at some point i fell out of it.
out of the things that made me so independently myself.
i don't think i necessarily fell out of it completely.
but enough to be in a state of autopilot.
the moment i lost the radicalism
the activism
i started to lose the passion.
stopped listening to the meaning beyond the melodies
stopped understanding the meaning behind my actions
for the pursuit of my greatness.
i stopped writing.
i tried to remodel my blog
as if aesthetics were going to make me who i am.
i have never gotten anywhere due to aesthetics
or appearance
or superficial qualities
because i detest those things.

i have always gone off emotion.
intuition
what feels right
vs what looks right
i stopped the inquisition
and with that comes the self critical remarks
to myself
my life
the glorious aspects that i've worked for years to make holy.

self preservation is what keeps us humble
it keeps us, ourselves.
so here i am wrapping myself in linen cloth
because i've dehydrated myself from all the bullshit of the outsiders
and decided the most valuable thing to learn in this world is to
keep myself honest, true, loving, and kind
because that's the only way i know i can love people.