On growing up & staying silly

Today I had a coworker tell me that the end of the year is in three months. That was a shock to me. Although September just began, it seemed as though it started without me even seeing August wave "hello!" I think the shock factor comes from the idea that I am planning on moving in a year and I am realizing how quickly time goes by. It is a sweet and sour moment because I want the time to come as fast as possible, but, I want to drink up my time here. It really is difficult sometimes because I feel so out of place in this environment, however I am trying my best to remember it and have that feeling encourage me to work harder in life to get what I want. I have this era of freedom and I don't want that freedom to pass by before my life transitions into its next chapter.

Here's the thing, the idea of being an adult seems fucking terrifying. It always has been. It still does. Until I realized, that is what I am. I don't have my mom making appointments for me anymore or have my father handing me money as I leave the door. I go and come as I please and I spend most of my time at work. In a flash, being an adult became my reality. However, the lack of an "adult career" is what makes me nervous. The thing that I am missing is the big picture. I am already making it, the next step is full financial support which really comes down to, paying for rent. That is one of the last things I haven't done in my life. It's scary, it really is. But, I refuse to let fear control my chance of happiness. I might not have a standard adult life I always saw myself having, but I have reached comfort within myself to be confident to move on and away from everything I have known. The fact that I am so in love with someone who has been helping me with everything I have been unsure of is definitely a bonus to this transition. My mom has always been right, it always works out.