Rantin' + chattin'

Here's the thing. I was in an extreme low recently. I don't know if it had to do with an imbalance in my immune system or the fact that (apparently) I'm extremely vitamin D deficient, but I was in a funk that was just destroying my ability to "fake" it. I'm sure most people are familiar with faking it until it's a reality. That concept of laughing or smiling until you are genuinely laughing and smiling. I think it works, and therefore, I try my best to just act like everything's okay, because in the end everything is okay. Especially for someone who has become prone to anxiety, like coffee was breaking me out into hives, talk about ruining the bane of my existence.... Anyway. I'm growing into the idea of doing things for yourself, by yourself. I feel like I have a semi-adventurous spirit. I say semi because, let's be real, I am probably never going to rock climb or scale mountains to be one with nature. I fucking love nature, don't get me wrong, but I can't sit here preaching that in my spare time I go on really obscure difficult hikes, because I don't. I have a delicate ankle... I fell out of an avocado tree. C'mon. I am not a genuine wilderness woman, I'm more the type of woman to sit inside of a cabin, make coffee, and play music to accompany my awe of what naturally occurs around us. I have had this itch to see stuff. The older I have gotten the more I want to try new places, even locally, I just want to try stuff. Up until recently I think I have been scared to go out on my own, but up until recently I have realized that people always like that romanticized idea of a nomadic life of traveling or trying new stuff. But people find comfort in routine. That's totally okay. I'm like that in a lot of ways, too. However, I have a lot of things stirring up, and for once in my life I am keeping it to myself and the few close people I have in my life. You know why? Because it's important to do stuff for yourself, by yourself. The more you tell stuff to people who are kinda in your life, the more they think they deserve to know about your life. And, I think I am going to forever value privacy.