Blissed Out

The waves of soul-searching seemed to have calmed. Not to say I've stopped searching, I don't think I ever will. But that feeling of complacency has floated away. My current job enhances me to constantly push out creative content, I can't walk away from it, I have to do it. Beyond that, the satisfaction of actually doing well in it is something that has given me worth. I am a bubble of self-doubt, but actually having to prove myself makes me feel the potential I have boiling inside of me.

I am applying to grad school this year. This is something I think I've always wanted to do but have hidden in a cabinet because I just didn't think I could do it. Yes, I have a degree from a great school, that is competitive and leading in my field, but that didn't mean anything. Honestly, credentials for certain aspects of life don't mean much to me if the person that possesses these credentials doesn't have the spark and passion for what they are doing. When I was in school, that's what I saw, a lot of deadpan eyes of researchers trying to do something. I've learned enough to know that a select few do not make up the picture.

There are so many positive things happening in the realm around me and I don't know when or how everything got so good out of no where. The ebb and flow of life. The consistent and inconsistent. I am so happy right now, and instead of having an anxiety filled moment of it ending, I am enjoying it. This weekend will be spent in a coffee shop with the great love of my life studying for the GRE. We're in it together. Grad school has never sounded so freeing. Follow your bliss....