The rediscovery of self.

I'm not going to lie...I am sitting here, boozy and sore, seeing the best of the things around me. To put it simply, this weekend was hard for me. It sounds silly that after one week I started to feel homesick, but I think it's perfectly appropriate to feel emotional after a week of being away from your idea of normality. Just a week prior I was spending time with every single person that meant something to me. Above all, I was with Ali, exploring the forest and the city, eating, laughing, drinking beers. The happiest bits of my life, shared with the love of my life. I felt this depletion of my insides. I have used up so much of my time and space with people that I forgot that feeling of aloneness. I know I've had those moments before, for instance, high school. I was alone and confident in myself, alone. I was not confident in myself amongst others, and I see those characteristics forever surfacing. I started work and I feel invisible again. There is a power in that, it doesn't make me feel sad, but makes me feel like I need to re-learn myself again. A cycle of changing. There is no comfort here. A perfect opportunity.

I have been eating cleaner than I have in months, started doing yoga and exercising everyday again. I've spent all my empty time with music playing. I used to fill everything with music, the muse that kept my spark within lit.... Although I've felt homesick and faraway from the action with the people I have love most. I've been rediscovering myself, the quiet bits. My shy core that rests in humility. I was worried my humility was depleting because of the encouragement of those I was constantly surrounded by. I needed to tear away to understand my worth and the worth of those who so graciously have loved me in my life. Although I know these bouts will be recurring, I am thankful and grateful. I'm thanking yoga and talks with my brother. Home is in your heart. You can carry it wherever you need it the most.