NorCal

Tomorrow marks my one month of living in NorCal. I can't say I know how I feel about it, I really can't because every single day I feel differently. One day I am happy I'm here, other days I am tempted to just go back. Even within those days of complete bliss or complete downfall, I feel small bits of the opposite emotion. It's all very complex and crazy-sounding. The reality is, I am very similar to my old life, but take out 80% of the love. I obviously have my family up here, but that's just a small base of love you feel from the everyday. Especially when the greatest love of your life is so far all the time, that's when the yearning starts. It's like you've been cut in half and all you want to do is hug the rest of yourself to feel whole again. However once I committed to living here, I have forced myself to focus on the positives. At the end of the day this was no one elses' choice but mine, and well, there is no movement in comfort. So the first bit of positivity comes in the form of growth. There has been so much "adult" happening it's strange. I feel as if within a month and even the months leading up to this point I have been forced to think about stuff I never put too much effort into thinking about. I feel as if I'm learning more about myself. I do yoga about everyday, I actually ran on a hike today, I cook for myself at home 90% of the time. I am really taking care of myself. Truly. Buying stuff that's good for my body as I'm transitioning into natural beauty products... It's just a positive, self-loving move.

Overall, everything is good. I am healthy, I have a home, I have people who love me and I have a place of work. Everything is not ideal within that realm and tomorrow I'll probably hate everything again, and within a couple of hours love it all at once. This is what life in transition is. You have to go through the hard times in order to taste the honey. In the mean time, my honey will be here Saturday and I can't wait to see the best part of myself again.