catharsis

it seems like just days have gone by since i left a place
that made me feel like i was slipping away from myself.
now it's like oceans have grown since my last day there, i still read
messages from some of my favorites- they still give me updates.
they still show me that i matter.

somehow, over time, we are all placed in a specific role and it's amazing to me that these roles are given to you by all the individuals you have known over time and may have no correlation to one another, yet your role appears to be the same with all of them.
i slipped into a role and forgot about myself
the care i needed for myself
the sun light i created from within
the kindness in my voice that lulled myself into a calm state.
i allowed it to become water in my cupped hands, slowly dripping onto the ground below me.

these things change you.
they begin to ripple to those around you.

then i found myself sitting in the garden
swinging under the sun, hair soaking wet
face wet from tears
swinging rhythmically back and forth
tapping my toes onto concrete.
i decided it was time to step out of my role i was placed in.
a simple phone call.
i heard the voice of the only person i've ever really been in love with
and all i could mutter out was waves of muffled sobs
it was then i realized that we inhaled stories and exhaled our stories right back.

i sat and i cried because all i knew was that i was hurt
and i pretended that those things stopped hurting me.

it all ended with silent breathing and a simple
"wanna go to the beach?"

sitting under the sun and watching the waves push people around,
i found where the water from my cupped hands had fallen.
there's an entire world that catches the water that slips through our fingertips
we just need to return to the ocean to retrieve ourselves.

the salt cleanses what we purge.