Rise up with fists!

i think we use the term "lost" in circles, every season of our life we can feel a since of a void.
but maybe not, maybe there are people who rarely feel that sense because they are constantly moving
i've felt the term lost in many phases up to this stage in my life, mainly lost because i lacked confidence, a voice, i struggled with how i looked, i struggled on what to study, i struggled on what to do. i felt the pressure and i felt lost.

graduating college is really scary.
i graduated and felt lost
i got a grown up job like they say you ought to in something i thought i'd love to do- design.
i felt lost
but above all like it was changing me.
it wasn't until yesterday
when i was laughing with my oldest friends at their family function
that i realized that i'm getting out of feeling lost.
i so clearly began to remember who i am and what i was before all this happened
i used to have an appeal. i used to be interesting
then i began fading because i didn't know what else to do
it's amazing to me that one night can bring so much perspective to your life
so much happiness
but i was remembering the ways i wanted to conquer so much
the tattoos
the trips
the time spent doodling
the moments i constantly used to capture through a camera
i was in desperate need of myself
the girl that would lock herself in her room, light incense and dissect every bright eyes song lyric and feel my heart beating out of my chest because i related so passionately.

the girl that wrote and blogged everything
those posts i hold so dear to me now.
i have archived posts from my 12 year old self.
the first time i heard the postal service.
such great heights off of someone's decked out melodramatic page.
i'm still in here
the radicalist that gave a fuck but really could care less about everything else.
i feel like i am home.
and everyone seems to be welcoming me back.
smiles that curve into "we've missed you, we were waiting for you"

i love the people that have stuck through the mud with me.
that is the proudest thing i've accomplished in my life thus far- these everlasting relationships.